“The truth of my existence tugs at my veins… and even I am surprised at the hand She has had in my making. In retrospect, so many things fall into place now that never did before. So many of the seemingly unentangled choices I have made, demands I put upon myself, in the full context of my being, only now begin to make sense.
M’Lady Night, She who wears the Stars in Her hair, The dangerous, deadly, hidden, beautiful mystery of every Desert Night… She who claimed me as Daughter before my existence ever stitched into being.
As dusk starts falling every day, I can literally feel my veins itch with Her. At night, under the desert stars, She fills me to the point of wanting to break. She is literally embedded within me, and so I carry M’Lady Night with me even in the light day. Her voice whispers with every shadow, her children carry out Her unfathomable will at every turn, and I stand anchored, one foot in the World of What is Not, the other in What She will make Be.
None of it works, unless all of it works together… My use as a doorway to Her only makes since when I am anchored within My Desert. For I am it’s child as well, forged under the heat of it’s imminent Sun, my blood-splattered legacy soaked up within the sand and the thorns that I have always loved.
The suddenness of this revelation is going to, again, remake me. Only this time, I know I will survive, and come out of the other side intact… More intact than I have ever been.”
Daylight falls to dusk
Shadows and beauty surround me
Watch everything turning to dust
He stands at my back
Unwilling to yet take his hand
He awaits in the inky and black
My wings unfurl
Soaking up the power of night
Might as well be a goddess
As I burn in the blue of twilight
This power spinning
My will in this unlighted place
My lover is smiling beside me
Evil written all over his face
And my magic comes alive
Shattered and remade
Everything that you were becomes mine
This is me
With the mask of humanity gone
Eternal, infernal, and beauty
Wrapped up in the silk of His song
…one that leaves your skin empty of glory and good for a while.
But as I sit here, with my pain and my flesh angry from bleeding, the nature of the gift that is my humanity sits closer to the surface than is usual. An introspective pain all its own, made brighter by having Her Shadow permeate me with purpose just hours past.
… And so I sit, eye to eye with the past ghosts of myself, knowing that this pain too will pass into nothing.
“My love is the blood and the bone
The voices that live in the stone
The long dwelling night
The absence of light
And the shadows watching all alone”